October 28, 2004 - Where is the Lost and Found department? Isn’t that your first stop when you lose something? It seems to me that the Bush Administration really needs to establish another new cabinet post to go along with the two year old Department of Homeland Security the way it keeps losing things. The new Secretary of Lost and Found would be responsible to investigate where the things that the Administration keeps losing. The Department of Lost and Found would serve an important function. When the intrusive liberal media asks, “Where does the Buck stop this time?” all the President need do is direct them to the Lost and Found Department.

The first investigation launched by the Secretary of Lost and Found would be into the 60,000 lost absentee ballots that the Post Office lost last week in Broward County, Florida. You remember Broward County from 2002. That is the home of the “Hanging Chad” where the barn door ballot gave Pat Buchanan an outstanding vote total in a heavily Jewish electorate. We though that we had locked the barn door but it looks like the horse was stolen anyway.

Then he (or she – maybe there is a new job for Christie Whitman) could look for 350 Tonnes (377 US Tons) of RDX and HMX explosives that the IAEA inventoried and sealed in January 2003 – the seals were intact on March 3rd – and went missing from Al QaQaam (ka-ka) Iraq some time after the 3rd Infantry swept through on April 3rd, looked for chemical weapons and found explosives instead. The Secretary could head for Moscow and ask President Putin whether his Special Forces guys really carted the stuff to Syria before the US got there. That would be a good place to start.

There is no end of investigations that could be launched for things that the Bush Administration has lost. There is Osama Bin Laden, of course, lost in the mountains of Toro Bora and Mullah Omar, lost in the desert at Kandahar. The Secretary could comb the margins looking for them. Then there is the $260 Billion surplus that went missing in 2001. That shouldn’t be that hard to find. Neither should the $87 Billion that Congress appropriated last year for Iraq. All that the Secretary need do to find that is look at Halliburton’s bottom line.

One of the most important things that the Secretary could look for is America’s confidence and hope for tomorrow. He (or she) would probably find them buried under a pile of fears along with our stature as leader of a grand alliance of freedom. There is a lot of work for the new department searching for the Bucks that are being passed around Washington. If you want to know just who is responsible just go to the Department of Lost and Found.